Not About Me

I am experiencing some pain in my right palm for more than 3 months. I am convinced that God is a creative person because, in the process of knowing that the right palm is growing weaker and weaker, my left palm is able to function or operate more freely or subconsciously stronger now. I was just thinking of my blind friend Steven, he was blind from birth but the amazing thing is that he is able to recognise people by just touching their palm, this is astonishing because he seems to remember the next time I approached him, not even saying a thing yet and he will call out my name once he recognise the texture of my palm with one Touch! Somehow, do we need to have some form of ‘handicap’ to recognise God’s touch? Why am I saying that! I still remember the first touch from the Lord when I came to the altar with brokenness is that still small voice whispering, ‘I’ll be the father the fatherless”. Am I more sensitive to His voice because I am desperate and needed Him more from now on that I am able to sense His presence or touch so readily. Why am I saying that, maybe I am also in the season of not knowing where I am heading or where God is taking me; for once in my life I lost the sense of knowing where I am heading next, a little comprehensive with the ending of the journey here by this coming August and not knowing where I am heading next (This will be a closed chapter for me). I do want to know what is the next plan or step I need to take from now yet I don’t have a clue at all! Maybe that is the reason why I have not been writing or updating the blog coz I simply don’t know what to share! However, I love the season now, do I really need to know everything. I love the little surprises he bring on to me that cheer me up from time to time. I love the fact that I need to rely on Him coz I am weak, I need Him more than before coz He is leading the way (not me), I need to stay faithful coz I can always trust His heart even I don’t see His hand (most of the time). I love the fact that I can enter into worship in the morning and meet with Him and linger in His presence that calm and give me peace. I love the fact that He is Good God and I can always trust and put my faith in Him. Yes, for once, I can say, I must have ‘Faith’ a substance hoped for on the things unseen yet.

A song from a talented song writer and great pianist

Not About Me
Verse 1:
Let my soul be still before You Lord
Let my heart know that You are God
In the midst of confusion
Lord I want to be
Lost in Your compassion
Let it flow right through me

Chorus:
It’s not about me
It’s not about me
It’s all about You
It’s all about You
Jesus

Verse 2:
Lord remove all unrighteousness inside
Take away my jealousy and pride
There’ll be many distractions
But I will set my sights
On the God of creation
May His Name be lifted high
Words and Music by Daryl Chan© 2006

2007

FINALLY Home for Christmas

This is a new year. To be honest, I did not end 2006 with great expectation for 2007. I kind of feel so overwhelmed by God’s goodness as I returned home to hot and beautiful land, Singapore. I love the place more and more now esp. being away for 2.5yrs leaving behind my family and friends for a new chapter of my life here in Sydney. I never take them for granted and falling in love and treasure them even more now.

Home is always a special place for me coz I’m constantly investing love and wanting the best for one another. Many would say you can choose your friends but not your family members. Then think again, they must be very special coz they didn’t choose you either. Family is gift from God. I love the fact that I can be so free to do whatever I want, however I want and ask for whatever I want AT HOME because I know that they will do it for me (willingly I hope). I was so full of joy to see my lovely cousin, Melissa and my twin sister at the airport waiting for me. my flight landed late on Tue, that explained why it is only 2 faithful family members picking me up but I already had so many well wishes and calls from aunties, grannies and cousins via MSN welcoming me home the day before! What an awesome experience to be so soaped in love.

My grannies (3 healthy, beautiful and great chefs) are busy making sure that I have my favorite food being served @ meal. I am so spoiled by them. My aunties are awesome, they blessed me with their time and gifts…uncles hosting party and BBQ at their place (finding any reason to feast) and many cousins playing and telling me how much they’ve miss me! Ha ha, sound like I am so desperately in love with my family but the fact is I am. My twin is beautiful beyond description, I think the distant/separation had actually bonded us in His love. We are constantly praying, sharing of ministries and keeping each other accountable. I am so blessed to have such a god fearing and generous sister so willing to share and give. Knowing that this journey I took 2.5yrs ago was by faith and has not been an easy choice but her love and prayers had given me much joy and confidence. I am so thankful to the Lord for our faith. My brother with his new girlfriend…they are just lovely. He’s a great cook, tasted one of his casual meal but it was yum…So proud of him - More responsible and always diligent in his work. One of my regrets is that I am not able to be there for them and see each one of my cousin growth (only via phone and MNS) but I am grateful to our sweet Lord for watching over them and the great news is, 6 of my cousins and 2 aunties had given their lives to Jesus in 2006 (that’s the greatest gift for me – thank sis for her undying patient and good work in witnessing and bringing them to events and camps)! Well done, Dorcas!

To be continued…

Home Alone

It is nice to be alone for the last 2 weeks. My housemates were away in Europe for their so called 2^nd honeymoon! Well, the pictures on the blog are splendid but only the moment there can capture all the true beauty of Lisbon.

Yesterday was a fruitful day: Ride my bike that almost killed my legs! I reckon I need more exercise coz legs are too weak on the wheels. Talked to a dear friend over Voipstunt, cooked lunch and went shopping with a dear mate! Laze the whole day and enjoy the moment.

Btw, house-sitting the dog is really a handful and keeps me busy everyday! Although he is toilet trained on the papers…But well, I still have to clean up those missed spots and mind you there are heaps…Well, the funny thing is that this dog really know how to enjoy life: eat his breakky, suntan under the sun and does his buisness (as often as he likes), then sleep and sleep...Wat a dog life!

I am so looking forwards to see my family this Sat morning! Can’t wait to see princess Eva…

A Closed chapter…into a new season

It is an emotional day for me. I am about to send off a good friend I met in Bible college. She's heading back to Japan in a few hours …so hard to say ‘Goodbye’! It seems like yesterday while I awaited for a new housemate…Hello then sounded so strange…from an acquaintance to a dear friend for 2 years. We watched each other grow and journey this life together. We laughed, prayed, cried, cooked, shopped and not forgetting those girls giggle…tears just flow as I can see those images flash across my mind.

Harumi: “Hey, remember, you are the one who opened my bank account, can I have the honor for you to close it with me today!” Wow…it is really hard for me to do that! After our morning tea (I baked some pastry and hot English breakfast tea…with music playing…). It’s a joy to spend time with someone so special…oh...it is also her birthday too!

Well, we all need to face reality and realize that some people are in our life for a season. But their footprints will stay forever in our heart. I am thankful for this opportunity to meet so many great individual and do life with them the best I could here.

A closed chapter is not a bad thing – so that one can begin a a new chapter! So I wrote, “My pleasure to do this journey with you here, and to my honor to close this chapter with you here. That means a new season is waiting for you in Japan. There 're still many things to do, places to go, and people to love. Be blessed my princess…”

He is the Light

There is no darkness in LIGHT.

In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. (John 1: 4-5)

I have been thinking a lot lately. After the journal on the topic ‘shame’, there is a clearer understanding that the reason for exposing our shame and darkness is to give us a new way of living. “He whom the son sets free is free indeed”. When I really mediate upon this verse, it is indeed a very powerful one with great meaning to life. We are called to walk in freedom and not in partial wholeness or with any form of crippling. The reason why we struggle is because we give the evil one permission to take control of our weaknesses! It is a choice. If we are willing to surrender, Jesus will keep us safe and the evil one cannot harm us. Amen

I John 5: 3- 5

“For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome. For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world--our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?”

SHAME

1a. A painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace. (b) Capacity for such a feeling
2. One that brings dishonor, disgrace, or condemnation.
3. A condition of disgrace or dishonor; ignominy.
4. A great disappointment.

If you can’t talk about it, it will own you.

Last weekend, I attended a Spirit Fire conference that literally changed my mindset in certain area in my life. I do applause the speaker for delivering his sermon in such a direct yet sincere that all can benefit.

Many of us are crippling in our walk because of our hidden shame (secret) in life! We are numbed by the deceptions the devil put in our thoughts and lives. We are ashamed to talk about our shame and therefore, we are not able to really walk free from this bondage that bound us. Total freedom comes only when we are willing to confront those areas that are well-locked in our lives! Well, one might defense by saying, “I did confess my sins or I’ve come clean with God about it!” But think again….did we?

It is an area that the Lord will not force us to surrender or if we choose to hide or conceal it! ‘He has given us this total freedom’! He will not (or rather cannot) force anyone to confess. It is a choice. Many would ask, why in the 1^st place did God choose to trust Adam and Eve, or assumed they will not eat from the tree? Well, the answer is, it is a free-will he bestowed to humankind. First of all, He did not create us to be his puppets or slaves (obey the master’s command), but He has made us His friend so that we can have fellowship with us.

'Anything that is hidden in darkness can only be exposed in the Light'. I can assure you that there is no greater freedom than to reach those keys that locked us in. Only we can have the key to unlock those areas we choose to LOCK (to shut or make secure with; escape is impossible; hold fast)! The question is ‘Do we lock ourselves to feel safe?’ Btw, we lock our possession in a safe place so that no one can steal it or we want to hide/conceal it from other. Then, why do we still choose to lock ourselves (shames, secrets) in for so long? But Jesus said, “I stand at the door and knock. IF anyone hear m y voice an opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.” (Rev 3: 20) Indeed, he is a perfect gentleman. He is waiting for us to reach out to the door and open it for him to come in. 'It is an invitation not an invasion' (entrance of an armed force into a territory to conquer). Take note, this door has only one door handle, it is your choice whether to open it or not. If you do, he will come in and be with you. However, if you refuse, He is still waiting patiently for you at the door. He never runs out of patient…but we are running out of time. So, the invitation (personal) is sent, the banquet was ready, but it is up to individual to respond!

A Sanitized Generation?

Are we sanitized by what we see, hear or witness everyday? Have our conscious gone cold and we are not able to feel anymore. There are so many horrific, bloody and immoral images that we watch on movies or media. Have you ever wonder if it has silent our God-given conscious in some way or another. What’s our emotion responding when we watch a gothic or horror graphics that do not make us feel uneasy or terrified anymore? So are we numbed to them coz we had too much these days or simply feel it’s not real anymore!

My lecturer shared about his son & friends were playing this computer game which needs them to kill in order to gain points. It includes killing a grandma, knock over a pregnancy woman crossing the street, drive a car thru a person on the road’…etc and the kids are thinking That’s FUN! The other thing he mentioned was, few years back after walking out of a cinema after the movie ‘Silent of the Lamb’; many youth were actually laughing at the ‘killing scenes’ as if it was a funny movie! Well, I must say, it is not funny at all but we really need to be careful what we feed our mind, soul and spirit daily. Don’t allow the right values and morals in life be overshadowed by what is perverted or things that are dark or evil!

I think we need to be careful what we watch and listen. We must not allow the junk or what is wrong to drown the conscious. Allow the Holy Spirit to whisper to our ears: take heed and listen to what He has to say – things that are good, right, pure, joyful, and loving. We need to start now if not it will be too late…and the consequence will be too BIG for us to bear! It’ll take a few generations to undo one generation mistakes! So be watchful for what our youth are watching and playing during their leisure. Otherwise, by the time we realized… It’s GAME OVER!